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F*ck Fear!

Fear is a bitch. It makes us question our value, worth, capabilities and existence. It's overwhelming and successful at keeping us in a box, limited and restricted of achieving more. Fear can, inadvertently, be passed down from a long lineage of other fearful folks in our lives. Our parents, friends, family members and other elders of previous generations who have lived different experiences, without the tools and support needed to think outside the box. It's not their fault. But it is our own responsibility to break free of the mental bondage of feeling like we can't achieve our goals that may seem too big or unattainable to others.

When I started my home birth practice, I was on pure survival mode at the time and I had to make a way out of no way PERIOD. "Fear who? Where? Maaaann what-the-fuck- ever! These children have to eat and I have rent to pay!" That was my mindset at the time, as I scrambled around trying to find software and marketing for my new home birth service. I was on GO mode. I had quit my job in private practice and was out here in these ATL streets on my own as a single mom, with two babies to feed. My haste to make something work was definitely rooted from fear. Fear of not making enough money to pay rent, meet childcare expenses, and ultimately, fear of having to move back to Chicago. That was one thing I did NOT want to do. Moving back to Chicago would have felt like the ultimate failure because I wanted to raise my children in a better environment.

My children were definitely my primary driving force of motivation to face the fear of stepping out on my own. But my desire to be "allowed" to be a midwife to my fullest potential was the other source of determination. I hated working in the hospital as a midwife. Yes. HATED it. That's the word. Midwifing in the hospital setting was so restricting and regimented. Machines, charting, technology, policy and procedures mattered more than the experience of women giving birth. I knew I didn't want to be in that environment any longer. Working in the hospital had its perks, but the perks of being a midwife outside of that setting aligned with my life, perfectly. I kept my ear to God. I found that when I sat still and allowed the universe to work its magic, everything fell perfectly into place. My money, my single mama life, my children were happy little beings, and life was good. I looked up and had a thriving business within months.

Truth is, fear can either paralyze you, or fuel you to make actionable steps towards your goals and happiness. Once you have the tools you need to overcome the fear, it can actually be an exhilarating experience!

Here are some tips on how to navigate fear:

  • Acknowledge the Fear. Feel it, process through it, and identify what the fear is rooted in. Why are you afraid? What are your afraid of? What's the worst that could happen?

  • Embrace the opportunity of growth and expansion. This is the exciting part! Intsead of viewing change as doom and gloom, begin to look at it from the perspective of excitement of something new, fresh & revitalizing! Changing your mindset about new endeavors will help you feel encouraged and confident enough to broaden your horizons. Before you know it, your brain will begin firing off new ideas and concepts that you will enjoy exploring!

  • Allow your creativity to flow. Take a breath, grab a drawing pad and allow your creative self to run amuck. Daydream about your new goals or ideas. Explore what happiness would look like for you in your profession. I literally started my home birth business plan using this strategy. I taped large sheets of my girl's easel paper on the wall and used colored markers to write out my thoughts and ideas about my new business. It made me feel good, confident and helped me organize all of the thoughts I had scrambling in my mind. Visualizing it on paper is game changing.

  • Don't compare yourself to other folks. Listen, stop worrying about what others are doing and how they do it. That's none of your business and this only creates space for envy and self doubt. And guess what, you don't know their struggles because they aren't broadcasting them. But trust me, everyone has had a ride on the struggle bus, honey! Believe THAT!

  • DO seek counsel from friendly business owners in the space who don't mind offering tips and suggestions. Take that information and use it indoor own way. For instance, my mentor was an intricate part of my journey to business owning. But our business models look very different. Some aspects other business were not necessarily systems I wanted to apply to mine. And that's ok!

  • Be patient with yourself! Set realistic goals and expectations. If you're like me, you want to see the finished product, instantly. Well this ain't reality so don't set yourself up. Your vision won't come to completion in a week! Take baby steps and pace yourself so that you don't get overwhelmed or discouraged.

  • STOP talking to random folks about your plans! Especially if they don't have any helpful information to offer. When you share our plans, dreams and goals with people, you give people the opportunity to voice their opinions, many of which can be hurtful and plant seeds of self doubt and insecurity.

  • Fuck Failure! It's a false narrative. Who knows you've failed at something unless you make the announcement "I failed at..."? The ultimate failure is you not ever putting in effort to achieve your goals. Failure is "I wish I had..." "I should have done.." The word failure has such a negative tone and completely disregards all of the hard work, sweat and dedication that you committed to your entire journey.

  • Step out on faith. When you are moving with a genuine spirit, good intentions and are led by your heart, the universe will provide you with everything you need to succeed. EVERYTHING. I'm so serious. When I started my business, somehow, everything worked out. As a single mother of two girls, alone in a new state, EVERYTHING WORKED OUT. Stay faithful to and trusting of your Source of Spirit. Everything you need will be provided. And your fears will soon be tamed.

I really love the book "You Are a Badass", by Jen Sincero. She breaks it all the way down for you. It's a good book to have handy in your journey to creating the life you want.

Need a "Come to Soul" session? Book yours today!

In love, peace and wellness,

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